Total amount due for your service call today is…..

February 11th, 2010

So I get calls and emails from a regular customer who abuses the old “hey I have a quick question” line. First, when you are talking about computers there are no quick questions. Second, if you are going to call and ask me a question you should expect to pay to have that question answered since I am in the business of answering fucking dumb ass questions which is how I feed my wife and kid.

If you are a doctor and I walk into your office and say “hey doc, can I ask you a question? My throat kinda dry and I’m coughing up some yellow snot looking stuff…. what do you think the problem is”

Are you going to just throw a dart or are you going to properly diagnose the problem and provide a remedy. I think the latter is probably the correct answer. And you’d like to get paid for that shit right? Well, me too fucker.

Now, I told you that story to tell you this story. Last week said customer text me and says “I just sent you an email”. Like I needed that little tidbit of information. No fucking shit Sherlock. So I read the email and politely response. Well, the email was asking for a solution, for free. I provided a quick answer. I got another response with more questions. I provided another quick answer. A few days go by and I get an email saying in so many words “well I’ve got it good and fucked up for you when can you come fix it”?

I went by today. Addressed ALL concerns that were discussed. Got finished and asked “Did we address everything?” to which said customer responds “yes the 2 problems I had are solved”. OK, your total is $XX.XX to which he responds “what time did you get here”. I say “11:15″ and he says “OH I thought you got here just a little before the time we had scheduled like 11:30″ I didn’t argue, I adjusted the invoice and gave him a new total. Now, this guy always asks 2 or 3 more questions AFTER he writes the check so as to get some more “free support”. Did I round up? You bet your fucking ass I did by 10 minutes because he fucking does this shit all the time and he had already used up a 1/2 hour of my time with the bullshit emails before I ever went out.

So I leave, check in hand. Go pick up my kid, come home. Couple hours later – DING – fucking text message. Guess fuckin’ who? You got it – Mr. Fuckin’ Potato head “I just sent you an email”. You know I have an iPhone. you know my email comes to my iPhone. You know it makes a noise indicating that it got an email. Why must you duplicate the work load?

In the email he says “WE (fucking ‘WE’) forgot to check the scanner and make sure it was back online” Fuckin’ WE. I didn’t forget shit. You need to flash memory banks and remember that I asked “did we get all issues resolved” So you can take WE and shove it up your ass. YOU have a pronoun problem.

I emailed back and explained what the problem was based on his description. Granted, this is on a device that I know close to ZERO about because it’s not the kind of hardware I work on.

I’m standing by for a response….

BTW – this particular customer always attempts to fix the problem on his own and ends up royally fucking everything up costing him 3x what it would have cost if he would have just called when the problem arose. Fine by me, my rate’s not changing and if it does it’s going up. Keep fucking your shit up and I’ll keep fixing it but stop mooching for the free shit.

You want free shit stand on the corner with a sign that reads “I don’t know shit about shit, that’s why I need your money”

Categories: Chaos |

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