Definition of ‘awesome’

June 8th, 2012

When someone spills something in my house and makes a half assed attempt to clean it up then does not advise me of such, so that I can clean it up properly.

Used in a sentence:

“that beer you spilled on my floor that sprayed up on my $7000 leather sofa and stained it, then did a shitty job of wiping it up with (of all fucking things) dry bounty paper towels (which basically shellacked it into the fabric and smelled like a strip club after a night of heavy partying) was FUCKING awesome

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The Interwebs

June 7th, 2012

Hey Al, fuck yourself in the neck with a switchblade.

Who invented the internet?

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HOA (Harassing Offensive Assholes) AKA Home Owners Association

June 7th, 2012

So my dick head neighbor is “president” of the HOA which doesn’t say a whole helluva lot about the subdivision we live in. He could be president of the ant hill at the park for all anyone else knows. Anyhow, his sole purpose for holding the “office of presidency” for the HOA is so he can live a fucked up repugnant lifestyle. His yard is overgrowing the alley by at least a foot. He rarely mows his grass and I guess can’t afford a lawn service. So, recently he rode around with the “HOA Police” (we will call them) and looked at houses and noted “violations”. He said he didn’t want to nickel and dime people on little violations and wanted to tackle the more obvious and annoying violations such as the 3 FUCKING FENCE PICKETS ON MY FENCE THAT HAVE NOT BEEN STAINED TO MATCH.

Fucking really?! Listen here you fucking maggot farming douche canoe. No one thinks you are anybody and I certainly don’t give two fucking gerbil shits that you are the “president” of this ridiculous HOA. Mow your fucking yard you ass wipe and stop worrying about my fence. And by the way why don’t you tell your direct neighbor to re-hang that gate that has been missing since LAST FUCKING YEAR. And repair that fence that has been broken SINCE BEFORE HE BOUGHT THE FUCKING HOUSE, and replace the FUCKING FENCE THAT HAS BEEN MISSING FOR 4 MONTHS and get that door that has been laying in the back yard since last week.

I told you fuck knuckles I am replacing both my fence and my roof as soon as it stops raining for 30 minutes.

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