Darth

May 19th, 2012

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Mr. Cool

May 19th, 2012

Wow you should have seen what I just saw. A guy was trying to be all cool in his mustang and when he pulled out of his parallel parking space there was a curb in front of him that he clearly forgot was there. He completely ran over it with damn near the entire car. Then he got all pissed and tore ass up the parkway. He’s gonna need an alignment and a couple of new wheels.

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Gimme gimme gimme – where’s my free shit

May 19th, 2012

I understand customer complaints. I’ve worked in customer service for a long time for other businesses as well as my own. I’ve made my share of complaints against businesses when they were warranted but I’ve also received complaints from customers that were for the sole purpose of obtaining a free service or a discount.

Who fucking made the rule that just because you complain (whether it is true or not) that you get something for free? No one. That’s who. And it is my belief as well as every other sane person on the planet that you have complained just so you could try to get something for free.

My room was too cold, my therapist had hairy arms, my therapist coughed while in my session, I could hear kids next door blah blah whatever fuck you. This is life. Welcome to it. Things are not perfect. What do you want me to do tell the neighboring business to move? Close? Bound and gag the children?

Let me explain something to you fucking retarded idiots who think that you deserve something for nothing no matter where you go. A complaint is meant to let the business owner or the manager of the business know that there was a problem so that it can be corrected. They were not designed so that you could complain and ask the dumb ass question “what are you going to do for me”? Pay for your shit. Come back if you want. Or don’t come back. For every ass hole that complains I have 100 people who are blissfully happy so go home, suck your husbands cock and balls or play with your dildo or whatever it is that you do when you aren’t trying to ruin my day.

I’m going to address your complaint and make adjustments for the future but I’m not going to stand here and take shit. I’m not going to give you a free service or a discount you low life excuse for a shit bagging moron.

Thank you, come again. Or don’t. I don’t care just stop complaining.

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Suck it

February 24th, 2011

Dropped my iPad yesterday. It was in the $39.00 Apple case. It fell from about 3′ from under my arm as I was bending over to put my bag in the backseat of my car. I forgot I had it under my arm and it slipped right out. It landed on the corner, ripped the case and dinged the corner of the iPad. I hate dropping my good shit.

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Juicy

September 15th, 2010

Fuck all you hoes… get a grip motha fucka

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Been a while

July 2nd, 2010

Well I figured it’s time to update this blog. I got an iPad for my birthday so that’s what I am writing on. How’s it look? Lot of stuff been going on. 2 year old in swimming lessons and gym class once a week. Working. Trying to get my business profitable. It’s a balancing act but we are doing it. Wish I had more time to play and still make a good living. Seems it’s one or the other. That’s it for now. Word.

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HORSE SHIT!

March 21st, 2010

Can’t believe they passed this bullshit. I’m speechless. Go fuck yourself in the ass with Nancy Pelosi’s dick faggot.

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Morons

March 11th, 2010

So a client emailed me this morning and said the following:

” Hey Larry

This is Suzy Q, Bobby Sue’s friend and I bought an I phone in January and yesterday it just quit charging.
What should I do? I am in Austin working for a few days but really really need my phone!! Should I take it to Apple store?”

Really?!

That’s like calling the tire store and saying “I am out of town and I have a flat tire but I really really need my car. What should I do? Should I take it to a tire store and get a new tire?”

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Total amount due for your service call today is…..

February 11th, 2010

So I get calls and emails from a regular customer who abuses the old “hey I have a quick question” line. First, when you are talking about computers there are no quick questions. Second, if you are going to call and ask me a question you should expect to pay to have that question answered since I am in the business of answering fucking dumb ass questions which is how I feed my wife and kid.

If you are a doctor and I walk into your office and say “hey doc, can I ask you a question? My throat kinda dry and I’m coughing up some yellow snot looking stuff…. what do you think the problem is”

Are you going to just throw a dart or are you going to properly diagnose the problem and provide a remedy. I think the latter is probably the correct answer. And you’d like to get paid for that shit right? Well, me too fucker.

Now, I told you that story to tell you this story. Last week said customer text me and says “I just sent you an email”. Like I needed that little tidbit of information. No fucking shit Sherlock. So I read the email and politely response. Well, the email was asking for a solution, for free. I provided a quick answer. I got another response with more questions. I provided another quick answer. A few days go by and I get an email saying in so many words “well I’ve got it good and fucked up for you when can you come fix it”?

I went by today. Addressed ALL concerns that were discussed. Got finished and asked “Did we address everything?” to which said customer responds “yes the 2 problems I had are solved”. OK, your total is $XX.XX to which he responds “what time did you get here”. I say “11:15″ and he says “OH I thought you got here just a little before the time we had scheduled like 11:30″ I didn’t argue, I adjusted the invoice and gave him a new total. Now, this guy always asks 2 or 3 more questions AFTER he writes the check so as to get some more “free support”. Did I round up? You bet your fucking ass I did by 10 minutes because he fucking does this shit all the time and he had already used up a 1/2 hour of my time with the bullshit emails before I ever went out.

So I leave, check in hand. Go pick up my kid, come home. Couple hours later – DING – fucking text message. Guess fuckin’ who? You got it – Mr. Fuckin’ Potato head “I just sent you an email”. You know I have an iPhone. you know my email comes to my iPhone. You know it makes a noise indicating that it got an email. Why must you duplicate the work load?

In the email he says “WE (fucking ‘WE’) forgot to check the scanner and make sure it was back online” Fuckin’ WE. I didn’t forget shit. You need to flash memory banks and remember that I asked “did we get all issues resolved” So you can take WE and shove it up your ass. YOU have a pronoun problem.

I emailed back and explained what the problem was based on his description. Granted, this is on a device that I know close to ZERO about because it’s not the kind of hardware I work on.

I’m standing by for a response….

BTW – this particular customer always attempts to fix the problem on his own and ends up royally fucking everything up costing him 3x what it would have cost if he would have just called when the problem arose. Fine by me, my rate’s not changing and if it does it’s going up. Keep fucking your shit up and I’ll keep fixing it but stop mooching for the free shit.

You want free shit stand on the corner with a sign that reads “I don’t know shit about shit, that’s why I need your money”

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American Express errrrr EXCESS!!!

August 13th, 2009

It’s been so long and I’ve been so busy that I forgot I had this fucking blog.  Those cock knockers over at American Excess have done it again.  The bastards raised my interest rate 3% back in February.  Well I got a letter earlier this week that states they are yet raising it again.  So much for sworn testimony you lying pieces of bailout money shit.  They (under sworn testimony) said they would “NEVER” raise a customers rates just for the fuck of it, for lack of better terms.  They are now raising everyone’s rate.  All 24 million card holders are getting jacked right in the ass.  They are changing from a fixed to a variable rate which will be prime + 11.99% and in my case 15.24%.  If you have a revolving debt on an AmEx card I strongly suggest you call them and raise hell.  I’m closing all my accounts.  Fuck em – that’s what they are doing to me.  I’ve been a cardmember for 14 years.  I’ve never missed a payment and I’ve never paid late.  Never ever fucking never.  And this is what I get.  Well fuck you and the donkey you rode in on.  I hope the whole fucking lot of you go broke, file bankruptcy and are forced to go get a job where you actually have to work and abide by the rules like most of society does.  Thank you very much and FUCK YOU!!!

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