Today’s lesson

November 16th, 2014

I’m a consultant.  You pay me to tell you what the problem is.  When I tell you what the problem is don’t tell me that’s not the problem.  If you knew it wasn’t the problem why’d you fucking ask me?  End of lesson.

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Craigslist buyers………

March 9th, 2014

……..are incredible flakes. I’m a grown assed man. If you changed your mind about buying something just tell me. Not responding tells me just how big a pussy you are. Time wasting mother fucking art project building idiot. Waste of a perfectly good computer if you ask me but it’s your $$ dipshit. Good luck with that art project. Bitch.

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You there…. Fuck off…. when you get there…. fuck off again

March 9th, 2014

Stop spamming my fucking blog. I have a life. I can’t be updating this mother fucker every fucking day. You’re relentless attempts to post useless links on my site are annoying. I never look at them. I mark them all as spam. I don’t even read them. I will never read them. I will never allow them to be posted to my site. So fuck off.

Also, this domain is not for sale. Yea I haven’t updated it since 2012. So what. I’ve been busy. Like I said I have a life. I don’t have time to blog. I work and I have a family. I’m not sitting at home living off the government. I have a day job. And a night job. And jobs in between those jobs. I don’t have time to be fucking around updating this site for your entertainment. Although I’m sure there are a few who will find this very post the most entertaining thing they have read all day.

Here’s a suggestion. Stop trying to come up with the next Facebook in your mom’s garage. And for the love of all that is holy in this world stop emailing me soliciting a sale of my domain. It’s not for fuckin sale. Bitch.

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Definition of ‘awesome’

June 8th, 2012

When someone spills something in my house and makes a half assed attempt to clean it up then does not advise me of such, so that I can clean it up properly.

Used in a sentence:

“that beer you spilled on my floor that sprayed up on my $7000 leather sofa and stained it, then did a shitty job of wiping it up with (of all fucking things) dry bounty paper towels (which basically shellacked it into the fabric and smelled like a strip club after a night of heavy partying) was FUCKING awesome

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The Interwebs

June 7th, 2012

Hey Al, fuck yourself in the neck with a switchblade.

Who invented the internet?

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HOA (Harassing Offensive Assholes) AKA Home Owners Association

June 7th, 2012

So my dick head neighbor is “president” of the HOA which doesn’t say a whole helluva lot about the subdivision we live in. He could be president of the ant hill at the park for all anyone else knows. Anyhow, his sole purpose for holding the “office of presidency” for the HOA is so he can live a fucked up repugnant lifestyle. His yard is overgrowing the alley by at least a foot. He rarely mows his grass and I guess can’t afford a lawn service. So, recently he rode around with the “HOA Police” (we will call them) and looked at houses and noted “violations”. He said he didn’t want to nickel and dime people on little violations and wanted to tackle the more obvious and annoying violations such as the 3 FUCKING FENCE PICKETS ON MY FENCE THAT HAVE NOT BEEN STAINED TO MATCH.

Fucking really?! Listen here you fucking maggot farming douche canoe. No one thinks you are anybody and I certainly don’t give two fucking gerbil shits that you are the “president” of this ridiculous HOA. Mow your fucking yard you ass wipe and stop worrying about my fence. And by the way why don’t you tell your direct neighbor to re-hang that gate that has been missing since LAST FUCKING YEAR. And repair that fence that has been broken SINCE BEFORE HE BOUGHT THE FUCKING HOUSE, and replace the FUCKING FENCE THAT HAS BEEN MISSING FOR 4 MONTHS and get that door that has been laying in the back yard since last week.

I told you fuck knuckles I am replacing both my fence and my roof as soon as it stops raining for 30 minutes.

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If I wanted America to fail

May 22nd, 2012

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Eddie

May 21st, 2012

Filth flarl motha fucka dick pussy snot and shit, thank you, good night, suck my dick, bye bye

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Who needs Facebook

May 19th, 2012

When you have your own blog and all you want to do is post your comments without having to hear everyone else’s bullshit.

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The Darth Vader

May 19th, 2012

Dude just got a whole loaf of bread with his BBQ at Rudy’s.

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